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A question asked repeatedly.

Apr. 20th, 2006 | 01:04 pm

Do I actively seek to make things difficult for myself? I like a challenge, and often throw myself caution to the wind just to see what will happen and to try and make the most of life.

Having realised I don't have time to devote to a partner in a way that I feel happy with I instead seem to have quickly filled my life with a number of relationships (not necessarily intimate); the sum of attributes of which account for the entirety of what I like in a partnership. So what am I left with? Numerous people who all appreciate me in one way and leave me feeling devalued in others... I wonder when that will stop being enough.

In the meantime I feel stretched thin once more and I know that the time leading up to my trip is going to be unpleasant in a way that I'm hoping won't strip my vacation of its fun. I look forward to when I come back, I'm settling in enough not to feel though this is home but to feel that it could become one, and with more time and money to devote to things of importance my life should settle back into place.

3 weeks away might give me time to think about my love life and what's important, what I want and who I think will be able to give it. But then I imagine I'll come back as confused as ever.

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